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I Still Suck at RPGs
By Bobby Bokista - 01.23.03
From my previous article "My RPG Problem":
I currently have a dilemma. It's not just a small problem either, it's fairly important. It is something many of you may know. Most of us have gone through it at least
once and some of us have been through many many times. It's something I like to refer to as TOO MANY RPG'S SYNDROM. Now, as you may guess from the name of the disease, this
is what happens when you buy way to many RPGs for your own good. Some other types of games count as part of this if they take over 20 hours to beat (not including deaths and retries), but
RPGs are the number one cause of it. So the problem is that I have at least 18 RPGs to beat and so little time to do it.
Things have gotten worse since that article a year and a half ago. I have only beat a few of the games that I mentioned on that earlier list and (of course) I have bought more since that time. So let's quickly run through the ones I actually beat:
- Suikoden
- The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
- Final Fantasy Adventure
That's it! I am so bad at playing games.
Here's the list of RPGs I need to beat and a small explanation of why I have yet to do so.
- Suikoden II: When I saw Suikoden II for sale at Blockbuster for 7 bucks, I was forced to buy it. I tried playing it that summer that I beat Suikoden, but things just didn't work out (I bought Gran Turismo 3 and played that for a good 100 hours). I still really want to play this... but my next game is an issue in getting this done.
- Suikoden III: Coming to Playstation 2 as the most recent installment of the Suikoden series, this game could be my academic downfall. Not only would I be playing this game... but I would most likely start out with Suikoden II so I could load that data into this new game. I like the way it plays and the plot dynamic is gonna kick some major ass: You play as one of three different characters whose paths cross throughout the game.
- Chrono Cross: I wanted this game for ever because I loved Chrono Trigger and consider it the best game ever. I got this one two years ago as of now for Christmas... I worked on it over one spring break and told myself that when I got to college I would have plenty of time to finish it. I've played a decent portion of this game... maybe like 12 hours or so, but I stopped once Suikoden pulled me in of so long ago. I really need to get my act together.
- Final Fantasy VII: What?!?! How could I have not already played and beaten this game?? "I suck" is all I can say for myself. The end of disc one has been spoiled for me so many times I can't count them on my hands and feet. I feel like I've played it though. I'm halfway through disc one, so that at least gives me some satisfaction.
- Final Fantasy VIII: See above.
- Final Fantasy IX: This is why the article is called "I still suck at RPGs". I'll play all three in order.
- Final Fantasy X: I started out the school year working on this, since my roommate was kind enough to allow me to borrow it from him and hog the TV for many hours straight. Unfortunately I was still interested in academics while the guy in the room next to me wasn't and he tore through the game in a matter of a week. He made me feel so bad about my abilities that I haven't touched it since. (Although mad props to John for demolishing it and missing most of his classes).
- Final Fantasy Tactics: I have not even opened this game. I know nothing about it, how it plays, what the point is, or what it looks like... but I had some money and I bought it. I'm a horrible impulse shopper, so if it's the right price, I'm game for it. Consider this article to be a warning to all you video game consumers out there... THE BUSINESS IS EVIL!! LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!! DON'T BELIEVE THEIR LIES! THOSE DISCS ACTUALLY CONTAIN NOTHING AND YOU ARE THROWING YOUR MONEY AWAY! GO DESTROY ALL YOUR GAMES NOW!
If you did not take my warning... then congrats, you passed the test. You are a true gamer. Let's keep going!
- Final Fantasy Legend: I borrowed this game from a friend for about a year or so... but I had to give it back... (fuckin' bastard, not letting me steal his stuff). So I bought it on my own and now have to build all the way up to where I was
when I last played (not high on my priority list anymore).
- Final Fantasy Legend 2: Very low on the priority list, but I hear good things about it as far as Gameboy games go. This is takin' it way back.
- Final Fantasy: And this is taking it even further back. The biggest problem with this game is that it takes so fuckin' long to do anything and I forgot to bring my wonderful Nintendo Power strategy guide for it here to school. (Disclaimer to defend myself from the attack of a few critiques of mine: I am against using strategy guides for any games aside from RPGs and only using them when one is very very stuck.) It's guide time...
- Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask: I still play every system I own, so I usually have a project on each one. I just beat Ocarina of Time so Majora's Mask seemed like the right place to go next. Fun game, but I feel like I'm missing something. I haven't played any of the temples yet, but I don't feel as if I am ready to go there. It will be interesting to see how this all pans out.
- Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening: Even with the goddamned Nintendo strategy guide I cannot beat one of these freakin' temples. I'm totally stuck. WALL! I've tried so hard... but I think this one is a goner. It was fun whilst I knew ye, sir Linnk.
- The Adventure of Link: Link's back for another Bobby-puzzling adventure! Complete with side-scrolling action, this game is sure to stump even the best RPG players... or maybe just me. Whatever the case, Kevin couldn't beat it either, so I don't feel so bad.
- Dragon Warrior I and II: Since all I will be playing this winter on the weekends when I am off ski-instructing is my GBA, games like DW find themselves more playable. .
- Revelations: Demon Slayer:An awful awful game. Do not buy it. It is horrible. The play control is bad, the battle system is bad, and the plot is about as solid as a cheap chocolate Easter Bunny.
- Pokemon Silver: It's a really good game, it just takes a long ass time. You move really slowly so getting around is often a pain. It's really big too, which confuses me since the map isn't very linear. It's fun though... but I must suck royally that I didn't even beat the game within the timespan of the craze.
- Golden Sun: A sweet ass RPG for the Gameboy Advance that takes it back to the old school style of battles and graphics of the Super Nintendo. I rocked the first part of the game, but now I have a hard boss to beat and no way to bulid up my levels in the mean time. That means it will end up in the pile of games "I Suck Way Too Much To Play" (a list as long as my... well, it's long.)
I am the epitamy of pathetic. Normal people can handle games with no problem... but for some reason I have a hard time doing so. I've been a gamer ever since I was 3 and got a Texas Instruments Computer on which I could play Space Invaders... although I'm not quite sure how I would have played it at that time... but that's not the point. The point is you should aspire to be less like me and more like some of the other people I know. The afforementioned John is a great player, as is a guest writer you'll be hearing from soon named J. These guys know how to play hardcore and beat games through without pussying out. They are my heroes.
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