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Jimmy's Top Video Games: 20-16
By Jimmy - 02.20.03
15. The Legend of Zelda
1986 - Nintendo Entertainment System
Honestly, is there anyone who isn't familiar with this game? Journey through the Overworld and the Underworld, gather the pieces of the Triforce, etcetera. The game was revolutionary for it's time. I mean, you got to love the first game to include an internal battery for saved games.
Zelda was amazing in terms of gameplay. Keep in mind that when it was released, the Nintendo controller consisted of a d-pad, A and B buttons, "Start" and "Select." Zelda took advantage of these limited options and offered up a beautifully deep control screen. I can't begin to list all the items you could use. Actually, I need to fill space, so I'll try. Swords, potions, bombs, boomerangs, arrows…it goes on like this.
And talk about memorable enemies. Tektites, Armos, Stalfos… my personal favorites are the Moblins. They're just so damn cute, in a fiendishly evil sort of way. I got the biggest kick out of slaying these guys in the game's fairly extensive world. In fact, Hyrule is almost a character in and of itself…it was eerily creepy, a land of mountains and deserts inhabited by monsters and mysterious old men.
Through the sands of time, Zelda calls out to me. What does it say? "Master this and you can use it."
14. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
1993 - Sega Genesis
 Zombies are on the loose, and you've just gotta kill 'em. That's all there is too it. To accomplish you mission, you can choose from an arsenal including squirt guns, weed-whackers, bazookas, inflatable clown dummies, and other bizarre items.
 God, this is one fucked up game. I LOVE IT. All you do is blow the shit out of legions of the undead. For 99 levels. It's just so fun. I used to spend hours in front of the TV with my brother, merrily killing in co-op mode.
What sets it apart from other games of its ilk? How 'bout great enemies. You've got the eponymous zombies, werewolves, aliens, vampires, giant ants, and chainsaw-wielding maniacs. How 'bout interactive scenery. This game let you blow through walls ages before Red Faction was even conceived. Need more proof? How 'bout a fucking hundred foot tall baby…that must be destroyed.
13. Harvest Moon: Back to Nature
2000 - Sony Playstation
 There's nothing I like more than firing up my Playstation 2 and sitting down with a good old-fashioned FARMING SIMULATOR. I guess I'm just gay that way. Honestly though, if you make fun of me for this, then turn around and play The Sims or Animal Crossing, I'll kick your ass.
Odd as it may seem, this offbeat game started on the SNES, made it to the GBC, the N64, and ended up on the Playstation. And it wasn't simply ported; each step represents a complete reworking of the game.
The concept is simple: revitalize your ancestral farm. Plant crops, raise livestock, find some prime ass and start a family. The thing is, it's addictive as shit. You'll spend hours working your fields, trying to get that last crop in so you can afford a brand-new watering can. It's this addictive quality that makes it a great vacation game. Around the middle of August, when I've completely run out of shit to do, I bust it out and quietly waste the precious days of my youth.
I feel great shame at my inability to completely describe the greatness of this game. Obviosuly, I must commit hara-kiri.
12. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
1998 - Nintendo 64
I know what you're thinking. Putting two Zelda games so close together is cheap. Well, to you I say "eat my asshole." This is my list, and what I say goes. OoT goes on the list for several reasons. One, it was arguable the only RPG of any form on the N64 (side note: let's face it, the system had some must-have games, but I ended up regretting the investment after a year or so). Secondly, it took the formula that had proved so successful in previous Zelda games and fleshed it out with a living, breathing world.
I mentioned that the original Legend of Zelda featured an creepy, deserted Hyrule. This time around, Hyrule is a fully realized world, one with temples and towns, streams, lakes, forests, and deserts. There's so much to interact with, so much to see, so much to do. I can't count how many hours of game time I've wasted fishing. Or riding horsies. Any game that let's you ride horsies is okay in my book.
 
Speaking of game time, the inclusion of day/night cycles did a lot to increase the sense of setting. Suddenly you're on this big quest to save the world, and time is actually passing. It lends a sense of urgency to the game that I like.
In conclusion, OoT earns the "Jimmy Award for Cowboy Excellence", mostly for the horsies.
11. Warlords
1980 - Atari
A classic from the ancient days of gaming. You take the role of KNIGHT. KNIGHT's job is to protect KING inside CASTLE. This task is made more difficult by the destructive pixel of doom launched at you by your opposing counterparts.
 
Warlords was the original multiplayer fuck-you-friend fest. Forget Halo. If you ever want to determine who's the bitch in your relationship, grab a paddle and step up. The competition will consume you. This is gameplay at its most raw, unfettered by plot or graphics.
I played this until my Atari broke about a year ago. If you've got one, hook me up. I guarantee I'll make you my bitch. My little hobbit bitch.
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