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How to Sell Video Games - Part 1
By J - 08.18.03
April 9, 2003 - It was a pretty ordinary Tuesday afternoon in Charlottesville, Virginia. A light rain fell down upon the students walking to and from classes. The time was about 1:30 pm (EST), and I joined the many people walking toward the Newcomb Hall/Bookstore/Parking Garage area. Except I was different from these people - I was on a mission. That mission was for games.
Bobby and I had recently learned that Game Live Events' college tour was coming to our very own university, and we couldn't have been more excited. Well I mean it was mostly me who was excited since Bobby would be out of town, but you get what I'm saying. Anyways, I descended upon the large tent that usually houses consumers of Chick Filet and mediocre sandwiches, and immediately saw row upon row upon…well, ok there were only two rows, but still…of games. Games of all types too - crappy games, shitty games, mediocre games, old games, boring games, Def Jam Vendetta, I mean the list goes on and on.
What I had envisioned to be a big game display/showcase of sorts was really just a means to…you know, I really can't figure out what the point of it all was. I mean maybe they were trying to bolster poor sales of Madden 2003 or something. I mean, I know the idea of a football video game is pretty revolutionary and maybe even a little frightening to people, but are they really having trouble getting it to catch on? Or maybe they wanted to get people to play the awful Xbox port of the 2001 PC FPS Max Payne. I mean this is a great game gone wrong, and it's so old it's already a "platinum hits" game for the Xbox. If a game's not good enough that a $20 price tag and a shiny box won't attract buyers, I dunno what is. Plus it is goddamn 2 years old already. Max Payne, your time is done. Show me Halo 2 or…one ofthose other Xbox games that doesn't suck or something.
I also got to play Rayman 3 for the Gamecube (the only cube game they had there, much to my dismay). Like that game would be fun if there was stuff to do in it. I mean it was cool jumping around and running around and getting shiny gold things with no arms and stuff. I mean I'm not complaining or anything. It's just I sorta like platformers with "action" and some form of "combat" to them. I mean, I guess I might pick it up after I finish Super Mario Sunshine, Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, Jak and Daxter, Sonic Advance 2, or even Starfox Adventures (oh yes, Starfox Adventures is more appealing). Might I also note that these critically acclaimed platform games were mysteriously absent from the tour, while Rayman 3 was on prominent display. I suspect this event was run by a pack of wild hobos paid in sunflower seeds whose idea of a "video game" was pulling all the tape out of a VHS someone threw away in the dumpster they call home.
There were, amid all the god-awful shit, 2 games I actually was semi-excited to play. First was the previously mentioned Def Jam Vendetta. The idea of gangsta rap artists right of the streetz wrestling WWE style was mocked on pretty much all fronts when the idea game out. But after getting some surprisingly good reviews, I decided I owed it to myself to try it out. After thinking about who I was and where I had come from, I decided that Method Man best represented my true self, and what I wanted to say to the people. Or to the other guy I was gonna beat the fuck out of in the ring. The graphics were surprisingly good, and sound was admittedly top notch, but other than that, there really wasn't anything special about it. Anyone looking for a fast paced brawler or fighting game should not come here, as the game is often much more often about setting up a punch or throwing someone to the ground than actually hitting them. It looks just like pro wrestling on the TV, and if that's your thing good for you. But I would just as easily recommend and older and cheaper wrestling game over this one.
I also got to play what I think was a demo version of Splinter Cell for the Playstation 2. It looked like a dog crapped it out. I hadn't played much of the xbox version (maybe about 15 minutes total), but I could tell they had dumbed down the graphics, and especially the backgrounds and lighting effects, for this version. The controls were overall very mediocre, and the gameplay moved very slow. If you're looking for a stealth action tactical whatever game, just go buy MGS and stop wasting your time.
Speaking of controls, for some reason none of the three consoles on display used the lessened controllers. Unfortunately, Nyko had given the Hobos in charge like 3 bags of seeds so all of us gamers would be forced to use their "Air Flow" game controllers. Now third party controllers claim to do a lot of things, but in reality, they all only do one thing - suck. These are oddly shaped controllers with crazy huge grips and unresponsive buttons. To compensate, they have an added bonus feature - air conditioning. Yes, these controllers actually have holes that blow cool air on your hand as you play. I was eager to check this out…outside, in the rain and the wind. Yeah that's just what I needed. Did they really think that any of the games they had on display were going to draw my attention for so long that even in a cold environment my hands would start sweating? And not only that, but sweating so much that my controller would need to fight back against the sweat?!? Give me a break.
All told, though, the day was not a total loss. They were giving away some pretty cool swag that I'm sure I could sell on ebay. I got the America's Army game - the whole game, for free, on a CD. I mean, wow - I can't believe they were just giving away this game for free that I could have downloaded in its entirety for free months ago. Thanks Game Live Events! I also picked up a little postcard shaped thing for the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers game for PS2. It kinda sucks, and the game sucks too. I think I'll probably just throw that away. I also snagged about six free NBA Street Volume 2 bumper stickers. I mean, this shit is tight. It says right on there that I can "bust out an Off the Heezay" and "peep the website." This fits right in with my life back in the slums, back when me and my posse ruled our own court. We had hardcore 2 on 2 battles for control of different hoods, and me and my dawgs often got into some pretty intense struggles for control. I mean, this dope wild game really struck a chord for me, and now I can proudly display the struggles of my youth on my car. Or on anything else a sticker will cling to.
Anyways, this was a huge waste of my time. After being there for close to an hour I realized I could have more gaming fun time back in my room playing Sega Soccer Slam, or any of the many non crappy games I own. If this tour comes to your town/college, please go and make fun of it. That's really all the satisfaction it'll give you.
- J
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