While sifting through the ever-amusing 50 cent bin at the Comics Cubicle in Williamsburg some weeks ago, I stumbled - nay, by providence was guided toward - the most promising comic title I had seen in many moons. Suddenly, between my unworthy index finger and thumb, there rested a pristine, as-yet-unopened copy of Mr. T and the T Force #1, complete with GOLD FOIL TRADING CARD. Hardly able to contain myself, I threw a handful of change at the cashier (in this, my hyperbolic retelling of the tale) and rushed home. I will describe this jewel in the order I experienced it.
Locking the door so as to make sure that no one could spoil my fun, I rushed to the couch. I carefully extracted the blessed card.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? The card impressed me - this, remember, is the age of the first gold foiled baseball cards and the first ultra-glossy comic book superhero cards. Now we live in an age of random foil inserts in everything from NHL sets to Magic: The Gathering, so bling on a card ain’t as special anymore. Nonetheless, the card sits as a trophy upon my desk.
The cover to this book tells me that it is a “collector’s item,” so I tread carefully from here on out. I know from the start that this incarnation of Mr. T’s personality will contain little to no nonsense. T is committed to fighting crime and drugs. He is a kind of avenging angel/vigilante who lives on positive karma. He is also the scariest mother-fucker on two feet. Observe:
T begins by fighting a group of street hooligans. He turns their hate and negativity against them, quipping all the way. Intriguingly, this action is cross-cut with a seriously toned section of a person (presumably a woman) dropping off a parcel in a dumpster. Could this be an important plot point later? After busting up the hoods, a group of more well-to-do drug dealers and thugs enters the scene, hell-bent on revenging their fallen homies. They are packing much heat. It seems that T is packing, too. BUT WAIT. What is it that T really has?
The surprise allows T to gain the upper hand, and the quipping resumes. T the mentor decides to wax didactic on one of the thugs. He hears a strange sound coming from a nearby dumpster. He finds a recently deposited item.
Someone put a child in a dumpster?!? But what is this, our thuggish friend asks?
It appears that the drug gangs have been causing local women to have unwanted pregnancies, and T simply will not stand for it. As punishment for his heinous crimes, our confused ruffian is charged with taking care of the child.
He tries to bring it to a hospital and gets YELLED THE FUCK AT for being irresponsible and altogether negligent. Meanwhile, T goes off to fight more crimes. Crashing through a roof, T is met with a scary sight.
WOAHHH. This is a major upgrade from the last challenge. Fighting a large, Native American-looking robot that is armed to the teeth sounds like my idea of a good time. I really want to know what is going to happen next. Luckily, our editors have included this lovely note:
On second thought, I really don’t care what happens next. To my knowledge, there are 4 comics in this story arc, but I will continue to be satisfied with that I already know. Knowing that Mr. T found a crack baby in a dumpster and then shed the biggest tear in comic book history is enough to let me sleep soundly at night.
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